Discuss differences and build on commonalities to reach a resolution.
There is no legal requirement, or indeed moral obligation, for you to prepare for a mediation, but as with most things, a bit of preparation can go a long way. So here are some tips on preparing for a successful mediation.
Generally, early in the mediation process each party is given the opportunity to tell their side of the story, so it will help if you are clear in your mind about what you want to say. This is your opportunity to convey to the other party your perspective, how you have been impacted by the dispute and how you feel. Perhaps write key points down for yourself so that you cover everything you want to. However, do not overdo it. If you belabour points, become overly dramatic, or keep returning to the same points, the impact of your story will be weakened and the other party may well lose interest. Bear in mind that the purpose of a mediation is not to harangue or berate each other but to make your case, listen to the other party, discuss differences or misunderstandings, build on commonalities and look for a resolution.
The other party may have interpreted your actions or remarks completely differently to your intent.
The reason that you are in a mediation is that you disagree about something. You must therefore be prepared to hear things from the other party that you may not expect, like or want to hear. I am not referring to personal or abusive comments, these should not arise and if they do should be immediately addressed by the mediator. I mean that the other party may have interpreted your actions or remarks completely differently to your intent, possibly in a way that may shock or surprise you. Indeed, they may say that you said or did things that you do not think you did. It is important to the resolution process that you listen carefully to the other party’s points and be prepared to discuss differences so that they can be understood before you move on.
Mediation is, above all, about finding common ground.
Try to understand other party’s point of view and acknowledge if you have done something wrong or that seems to have detrimentally impacted them. If you are honest, act with integrity and admit your errors the other party is more likely to gain respect for you, which may open doors to a resolution.
Be prepared to resolve the dispute. You are not at a mediation just to put your case forward and get what you want; if both parties take that approach it is unlikely that the matter will be resolved. Mediation is, above all, about finding common ground. Once you have a better understanding of the other party’s perspective, and they understand yours, you are more likely to be able to move forward. That is the time to look for solutions. Listen to any offers or suggestions that are made and work with them if possible. If there are points about their offer that you find unacceptable explain why, but also try to find an alternative that might be acceptable to both parties.
Think of the other person, especially when trying to resolve the matter. Before you make an offer, think of whether it is something that might appeal to the other party; what is in it for them? The resolution will have to be acceptable to both parties.
Photo credit: @cherrydeck
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